How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot Using Any Programming Language

[wvw]

Oldies, but goldies.

Algol

• You shoot yourself in the foot with a Civil War-era musket. The musket is aesthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.
  

ASP

• You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but the most advanced thing you can manage is to cut your wrist.
  
• You may load the gun and pull the trigger, but the bullet will only hit your foot if you use Internet Explorer.
  

ASP.NET

• Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead.
  

Assembly

• You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover that you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.
  
• You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the system administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rapidly shooting at everyone in sight.
  
• By the time you've written the gun, you are dead, and don't have to worry about shooting your feet. Alternatively, you shoot and miss, but don't notice.
  
• Using only 7 bytes of code, you blow off your entire leg in only 2 CPU clock ticks.
  

BASIC

• Shoot self in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
  

brainfuck

• Just looking at the gun gives you a migrane, so forget about actually shooting it.
  

C

• You shoot yourself in the foot.
  
• You shoot yourself in the foot and then nobody else can figure out what you did.
  

C++

• You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."
  

C#

• You shoot yourself in the foot, but first have to switch to unsafe mode.
  
• You forget precisely how to use the .NET interface and shoot yourself in the foot. You sue Microsoft for damages.
  

COBOL

• USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM.SQUEEZE RETURN HANDGUN.COLT(45) TO HIP.HOLSTER.
  

CSS

• You shoot your right foot with one hand, then switch hands to shoot your left foot but you realize that the gun has turned into a banana.
  

Delphi

• You try to shoot yourself in the foot but discover that the bullets you already had are not compatible with the new gun version, but Borland promises a fix real soon now.
  

Haskell

• On a warm Saturday afternoon, sitting by the pool with a margarita, you casually sit up from your chaise lounge chair, reach over and pick up a gun, aim at your foot, and lazily pull the trigger.
  
• You shoot yourself in the foot very elegantly, and wonder why the whole world isn't shooting itself this way.
  
• You spend several hours creating a new copy of the Universe which is identical to the existing one except your foot has a hole in it. You then hear that it can be done more elegantly with Dyadic Functile Hyper-Arrows, but the very act of reading some of the included sample code causes one of your metatarsals to explode.
  

HTML

• You cut a bullethole in your foot with nothing more than a small penknife, but you realize that to make it look convincing, you need to be using Dreamweaver.
  

Java

• You write a program to shoot yourself in the foot and put it on the Internet. People all over the world shoot themselves in the foot, and everyone leaves your website hobbling and cursing.
  
• You amputate your foot at the ankle with a fourteen-pound hacksaw, but you can do it on any platform.
  
• After importing java.awt.right.foot.* and java.awt.gun.right.hand.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you've forgotten what the hell you're doing.
  

JavaScript

• You've perfected a robust, rich user experience for shooting yourself in the foot. You then find that bullets are disabled on your gun.
  
• You find that Microsoft and Sun have released incompatible class libraries both implementing Gun objects. You then find that although there are plenty of Foot objects implemented in the past in many other languages, you cannot get access to one. But, seeing as JavaScript is so cool, you don't care and go around shooting anything else you can find.
  

.NET

• You can now shoot yourself in the foot with any of fourteen weapons, ranging from an antique medieval crossbow to a laser-guided Destructo-Beam. However, all these weapons must be manufactured by Microsoft and you must pay Microsoft royalties every time you shoot yourself in the foot.
  

Pascal

• The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.
  

Perl

• You separate the bullet from the gun with a hyperoptimized regexp, and then you transport it to your foot using several typeglobs. However, the program fails to run and you can't correct it since you don't understand what the hell it is you've written.
  
• You stab yourself in the foot repeatedly with an incredibly large and very heavy Swiss Army knife.
  
• You shoot yourself in the foot and then decide it was so much fun that you invent another six completely different ways to do it.
  
• There are so many ways to shoot yourself in the foot that you post a query to comp.lang.perl.misc to determine the optimal approach. After sifting through 500 replies (which you accomplish with a short Perl script), not to mention the cross-posts to the perl5-porters mailing list for which you upgraded your first sifter into a package, which of course you uploaded to CPAN for others who might have a similar problem (which, of course, is the problem of sorting out e-mail and news, not the problem of shooting yourself in the foot), you set to the task of simply and elegantly shooting yourself in the foot, until you discover that, while it works fine in most cases, NT, VMS, and various flavors of Linux, AIX, and Irix all let you shoot you in the foot sooner than your Perl script could.
  

PHP

• Three thousand people line up on your apartment's welcome mat and demand to be shot in their feet. One by one, you oblige them, but halfway through, the http connection times out and the crowd lynches you.
  
• You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns.
  

Python

• You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes.
  
• You shoot yourself in the foot and everything goes so smoothly that you go ahead to to shoot yourself in the other foot then your legs, then your torso and then your head. Problem solved.
  
• You shoot yourself in the foot and then brag for hours about how much more elegantly you did it than if you had been using C or (God forbid) Perl.
  
• You create a gun module, a gun class, a foot module, and a foot class. After realizing you can't point the gun at the foot, you pass a reference to the gun to a foot object. After the foot is blown up, the gun object remains alive for eternity, ready to shoot all future feet that may happen to appear.
  

Ruby

• Your foot is ready to be shot in roughly five minutes, but you just can't find anywhere to shoot it.
  
• You shoot yourself in the foot and then have to justify it to all your friends who are still naively using Perl.
  

sh, csh, etc.

• You can't remember the syntax for anything so you spend five hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and switch to C.
  

SQL

• SELECT @ammo:=bullet FROM gun WHERE trigger = 'PULLED';
  INSERT INTO leg (foot) VALUES (@ammo);
  
• You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bureau, and when it returns it has a hole in it, but it will no longer fit the attachment at the end of your leg.
  

Visual Basic

• You'll only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it you won't care.
  
• You do a Google search on how to shoot yourself in the foot using Visual Basic. You find seventeen completely different ways to do it, none of which are properly structured. You paste the first example into the IDE and compile. It brushes your teeth.
  

Visual BASIC.NET

• You spend a fortune on a high-powered, self-cleaning, self-aiming, automatic handgun with unlimited ammo, only to realize it takes a year to pull the trigger.
  

XML

• You vaporize your entire lower half with a bazooka.
  
• You can't actually shoot yourself in the foot; all you can do is describe the gun in painful detail.
  

[Gonzalez]

Pascal

* The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

))

-Gonzalez

[AlStar]

ASP.NET

* Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead.

---

Delphi

* You try to shoot yourself in the foot but discover that the bullets you already had are not compatible with the new gun version, but Borland promises a fix real soon now.

Foarte amuzante:))

[wildchild]

python rupe tot

[AdrianCOM]

sh, csh, etc.

* You can't remember the syntax for anything so you spend five hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and switch to C.

Pe asta n-o inteleg.

[cmiN]

@ AdrianCOM - nu stii cum sa scrii codul, apoi incerci sa-ti dai seama citind manualul si la sfarsit te caci pe el de limbaj si folosesti C <cred>

Hai ca asta mi-a facut ziua

Python:

You create a gun module, a gun class, a foot module, and a foot class. After realizing you can't point the gun at the foot, you pass a reference to the gun to a foot object. After the foot is blown up, the gun object remains alive for eternity, ready to shoot all future feet that may happen to appear.

[AdrianCOM]

@cmiN

Nu sunt retardat, stiu si eu engleza. Vroiam sa spun ca nu iti ai atat de mult timp sa citesti manualul, si fiecare chestie e foarte bine documentata.

[cmiN]

Pai asta era si ideea, probabil e prea complicat, prea aiurea, cu alte cuvinte e prea infecta sintaxa pentru job-uri de genul si te dai batut .

[vizitatoru123]

looooool Perl rulz !

[SirGod]

Assembly

You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover that you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

)))))))))))

[demon_zone]

Hackshell

# On a warm Saturday afternoon, sitting by the pool with a margarita, you casually sit up from your chaise lounge chair, reach over and pick up a gun, aim at your foot, and lazily pull the trigger.

# You shoot yourself in the foot very elegantly, and wonder why the whole world isn't shooting itself this way.

Sounds "sexy"